Chasing Success: A Systemic Mistake of Our Time
What if this race isn't a path to happiness, but a systemic trap?
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We were raised in a world that teaches us that success is the ultimate goal. Career growth, a beautiful life on social media, recognition - we chase it all like a mirage on the horizon, hoping that one day we'll finally feel good enough. But what if this race isn't a path to happiness, but a systemic trap?
The idea, brilliantly described by Tara McMullin, is called the "Validation Spiral." It's not just personal burnout, but a fundamental aspect of our culture that permeates all areas of our lives. Its core lies in the fact that in the modern world, being content is unprofitable. If we were completely satisfied with our lives, status, and possessions, why would we need to buy anything else? Why would we work more and better? Why would we try to get more approval?
The market is built on the idea of constant dissatisfaction. It has to make us feel like we're missing something, that we're not beautiful enough, not successful enough, not smart enough. That's why we're constantly seeking validation and trying to boost our sense of importance.
Corporate Culture: The Cult of Busyness
This spiral is especially clear in the business world. Instead of rewarding quality and results, many companies encourage quantity and busyness. We take on more projects, work overtime, and answer emails on weekends. We do this to feel important and irreplaceable, to get validation from our managers and colleagues.
In the modern office, being "free" is seen as a weakness. We always have to be "in the loop," "in the flow," and "super busy." This isn't a sign of effectiveness but a kind of defense mechanism that proves our worth. We do more than we can, but this path doesn't lead to success - it leads to rapid burnout.
Brands: Selling Concepts, Not Products
Brands also participate in this game. They serve as a powerful reflection and amplifier of cultural norms. Branding has long ceased to be just a logo. It's a powerful concept that shapes our reality, convincing us that our value is directly tied to what we consume.
Technology isn't just a gadget, it's a symbol of innovation and status.
Clothes are a way to express your creativity or belonging to a certain group.
Online courses sell not knowledge, but the promise of a "new" and "successful" life.
We buy these products to appropriate these concepts and get a temporary sense of validation. But when that feeling fades, we start looking for the next product or course, getting caught in an endless cycle.
Social Norms: Chasing Validation in Every Aspect of Life
The "Validation Spiral" also permeates our social lives. It affects how we build relationships, raise children, and even how we relax.
In relationships: We often strive for the "perfect" social media image to get validation from others. Instead of building healthy, deep connections, we focus on how our relationships look from the outside. If the relationship doesn't match that image, we feel uncomfortable (we don't consider that even the ideal picture might be fake).
In parenting: Parents caught in the "Validation Spiral" can unknowingly pass it on to their children. They sign them up for dozens of clubs and activities to show other parents how talented and successful their child is, and therefore, how good they are as parents. But what happens if something suddenly goes wrong?
In leisure: Even on vacation, we seek validation. Trips turn into a race for the "perfect" photos, not a way to relax and get new experiences. We go to popular places not because we want to, but because "everyone else has been there," and we have to keep up.
How to Escape the Trap?
Breaking this spiral isn't easy. It's deeply ingrained in our cultural DNA. But it's possible if we make a fundamental shift in our thinking from seeking external validation to finding satisfaction and value within ourselves.
Detach your self-worth from your achievements. Your value isn't defined by your resume or salary. It's who you are, regardless of your successes or failures.
Recognize concepts. Learn to see when brands, companies, or social norms are selling you validation, not genuine value. Ask yourself:
"Do I really want this thing or experience, or do I want the feeling I think it will bring?"
Embrace "enough." Stop constantly looking for the "best" and the "newest." Understand that your current job, your relationships, your phone are good enough right now.
Escaping the "Validation Spiral" isn't about giving up on success. It's about defining for yourself what success truly is. It's not external attributes or the approval of others. It's inner wholeness, contentment, and a mindful approach to yourself and the world.